The Extra Mile

It's never crowded along the extra mile.
~Wayne Dyer

A few years ago, my husband and were faced with a big decision that would have significantly impacted our family. It would have really caused us to have to go the extra mile. We had a dear friend with a troubled 17 year old daughter who had recently run away from her home out of state. She made it to our state and had been staying with 'friends'. I had been helping her mother by taking the child to appointments with a therapist. One week, the child asked if she could live with Ron and I. Her father was a close friend of my husband and he had died 4 years previously in an accident. Her mother and I had remained close ever since the accident. After discussing the situation with the mother, she had agreed to let us take her daughter in - if we were willing. Ron and I have done this sort of thing before, for our nephew, and were met with mixed results. It had been so nice for us to have our 'freedom' in the home again over the last year and a half since he had left us that we were hesitant to give up certain aspects of our privacy again. This would really take us out of our comfort zone. As we discussed this decision, we had to ask ourselves, 'What is the right thing to do?' NOT -'What is it we want to do?' - Or - 'What is the easiest thing to do?' Or - 'Can't someone else do it?'

Doing the right thing is often not the easiest thing. We made a final decision as to what we were willing to do. We were willing to help this young woman and be her legal guardians - but there would be very strict ground rules. The final decision would be up to the young woman in question. She had to decide if she was willing to become a member of our family and live by our rules. As we discussed what we would do - my husband said - "We've been down this road before and at least this time we know better what to expect. We will plan to help her succeed in the areas she is working on - however - if she chooses not too - then at least we will know that we have gone the extra mile and have tried to help a friend in need." Unfortunately for my friend's daughter - she decided she was unwilling to have us place any expectations on her and did not want to move in after all if it meant having rules like she had at her own home. So - for a while - going the extra mile for this child was just literal as I continued to drive her to her weekly therapy appointments.

Emotionally, financially and physically - going the extra mile can take a tole on families to different degrees. Will it be worth it in the end? Does being worthwhile depend entirely on the outcome of your particualr situation? It is my humble suggestion to you - that the journey will be worth it whether you see exactly the results you want or not. If you have applied yourself and if you have bettered the relationships that you have with your friends and family members - then it will have been worth it.

At that time, as my husband and I discussed taking in yet another 'stray' if you will - He had brought up the fear of failure. He was referring to our inability to get our nephew to turn out exactly as we had hoped. I reminded him - that had we done nothing - our nephew was so far off course that it is possible that he would not even be alive - Or - that he would very likely have had a serious drug problem. There are worse things in life than working a minimum wage job and refusing to go to college. We have done all that was in our power and the rest was up to him. Since that time - our nephew has moved on to better employment, gotten married and bought his first home. He is only 24 and though he never went ot college as we had hoped, he has, so far, done well for himself. As the oft quoted prayer from AA goes, "God grant me the courage to change the things I can - the serenity to accept the things I cannot and the wisdom to know the difference." Sometimes the most important rewards do not come from the final destination, but come instead come from the journey. I sincerely hope that you can have the positive outcome to your experiences as well, however if the end of your road is not the Garden of Eden that you have imagined, may you take peace in the wisdom gained from traveling the extra mile toward your goal in the first place.