Flexibility

Today's Quote

Flexibility and adaptability do not happen just by reacting fast to new information. They arise from mental and emotional balance, the lack of attachment to specific outcomes, and putting care for self and others as a prime operating principle. Flexible attitudes build flexible physiology. Flexible physiology means more resilience in times of challenge or strain. Staying open—emotionally—insures internal flexibility.

Doc Childre and Bruce Cryer, From Chaos to Coherence

It has been a hectic two weeks and I have not posted to either of my blogs because I have been so busy. First of all I had to make an unexpected trip to Baker California to tow my nephew home to Utah after he had major engine problems in his car. I had 3 hours notice from the time my husband decided that I needed to go pick him up until I actually left. A few days after I returned from that trip, I went on an impromptu overnight trip with my man to Las Vegas (which would have been much more fun without the two year old in tow - but at this point I will take what I can get). When I got back my house guest was already here and I will have him here for at least another week or two. I am trying desperately to get organized enough again to post regularly to my blogs.......which brings me to the topic de jour - Flexibility.

Rigidity in thinking is one of those traits that must be changed or it can really mess up our entire emotional balance and keep us from getting past certain roadblocks in our personal journey through life. I have a friend that seems to only be able to see things one way. There can be two paths going to the same place, but he will only take the one, even though the other is just as amenably and the distance is the same. When I once suggested we use the other path, he bristled at the thought as if I had asked him to go 10 miles out of his way. He was unwilling to take a new path. He is this way in many things. He will only eat foods that are processed a certain way. I can't use certain words around him because he thinks they are too complicated or pretentious. Certain ideologies cannot be discussed because 'they are just wrong'. It is very difficult to be around him at times because he is so narrow minded. When I talk to him, I just try to stick with small talk because to go deeper into conversation with him will only lead down his one-way street. If in a therapy setting someone is rigid in their thought process, it closes the doors to healing. You must be open to try new things and to listen to new ideas. That does not mean that you must be moldable like a lump of clay, it simply means that you must be willing to listen and to try. Like the Dr. Suess book "Green Eggs and Ham" you may find that you like new things once you try them.

Because my husband travels for a living and he was going out of town the day my nephew needed help, I had to take the journey on myself. At 11am, the decision was made that towing Brian home was the most cost effective measure for him and his new wife. I made arrangements for my youngest daughter to stay with my sister-in-law overnight while I was gone. I picked up my other nephew, her 20 year old son, to ride with me 'just in case' and I set out on my journey at 2:30 in the afternoon after loading down my big diesel truck with extra oil, antifreeze, tools and fuel cans for the journey. If I had not been flexible, my poor nephew and his wife would have incurred major cost. My husband already had a pretty good idea of how bad the car was and what the problem was based on the description Brian had given him on the phone. Brian and Dianna would have been 'robbed' by the local garage where he took the car for diagnosis. If they chose to bring the car home for repair, they would have had to pay for two plane or bus tickets plus the transport fees for a car-hauler to bring his Cadillac. This would have been close to $1000 dollars, money a young married couple does not usually have set aside. The only choice was for me to go tow him home. It was a scant $250 in fuel cost for my truck and great time to get to know my 20 year old nephew, TJ, better on the ride down and Dianna better on the ride back. To look at the bright side, it was also an opportunity to have an extended family adventure that we could all talk about and share later in life.

Once, after we were newly married, Ron and I went out on a Sunday drive and ended up in Evanston Wyoming, some 150 miles from our house. We just wanted to follow a different road and it was fun. We had little money for other adventures at the time, but gas was relatively cheap and we got good milage in our vehicle. We had 5 hours of quality time in the car to talk about our goals in life and enjoy a cheap fast food hamburger. It was just a simple drive but more than 20 years of marriage later, I still remember it. Ron and I often go on impromptu trips with our four-wheelers. I can't count the number of times that he has come home from a business trip after 10 pm and we have decided to go somewhere the next morning just for fun. We generally have the motorhome packed and the 4-wheelers loaded by noon the next day and are off on yet another family adventure. One year when we went to Lake Powell with friends, we were camped 10 miles upstream in a side canyon and after 4 wonderful days, decided that we had enough provisions to stay a while longer. We made the decision that we would not leave until the food ran out. We got 3 extra days out of the trip. (Obviously, we believe in taking more food than we think we will need just in case) It was the most wonderful time. The last day we were there turned out to be the best with the stories that we still repeat today. I have a friend that cannot go anywhere with out it being scheduled in her little book three weeks in advance. She can only stay as long as she has planned and will not dare to deviate from her pre-planned course. She does not have a demanding job or special needs to accommodate, it is just that she has no sense of spontaneity. I can't imagine the fun family moments we would have missed out on if we had that same rigidity of thinking.

A gymnist is flexible so that she can do the movements required for her routine. But - was a gymnist born that way? Of course not. This trait was nutured through much hard work and dedication. Choosing to be flexible in your thinking is the same. I cannot expect my friend to suddenly change his mind about his personal ideologies all of a sudden. There must be a willingness on his part to listen to new ideas and give them consideration. So what must we do to become more flexible? First - Make a choice. If there is a true willingness to change, then change will be attainable. If you are simply going through the motions and saying what you think others want to hear, then true change will never happen. Second - Prepare to be disappointed. You will not accomplish everything without little setbacks. Setbacks are OK. Do not loose track of the original goal. Third - Be honest. Honestly do your best to make whatever changes you are trying to make. Half-hearted attempts will never get you to your goal. Fourth - Be happy in the moment. Enjoy your sucesses and rededicate yourself after each setback.

Human beings are like trees in a way. If we are shallow rooted and rigid like a poplar, we will be broken or uprooted in the storms of life. If we are flexible like the willow, we can weather the storms, bend in the winds and help shelter others in the rains. I have had many challenges in my life ranging from the death of a child, infertility, job losses and major financial setbacks. I know from experience, things are much easier when I choose to be the willow. May you also choose to be like the willow. Stand tall and shelter when required. Bend when needed. Keep in your mind always that there are many paths to the same destination. Some are longer. Some are shorter. Some are rougher. Some are easier. In the end what matters is that we have arrived at the appropriate destination having learned from our mistakes and enjoyed the journey. Be flexible and be happy.

Forgivness

Today's Quote
If you wish to travel far and fast, travel light. Take off all your envies, jealousies,
unforgiveness, selfishness and fear.

Glenn Clark

Have you been to the mall with a friend that has a small children? I made just such a fateful trip a few Christmases ago before the birth of my latest child. I was used to doing everything unhindered because I had only one child and she was a teenager at the time. I am not a big shopper anyway. I usually start my Christmas shopping in August and hit all the sales racks I can before the holiday season so that I am 90% done by Thanksgiving. That year I thought it would be fun to go with my friend and help her with her two small children as we shopped for her family Christmas gifts. Boy was I wrong about the fun part!! After we unfurled the double sized stroller, packed in the juice bottles and Cheerios, made our way to the back of every store to find the elevators, (Why do they put those things in the most unlikely spots when the escalators are right in the middle of the stores?) and stopped several times to change the inevitable dirty diapers, we ended up taking twice as long as we thought to get half the stuff on her list. The last time my feet and back hurt that bad was when my husband and I spent a 16 hour day digging sprinkler trenches in our yard. The trip just wasn't worth the hassle with all the excess baggage. It all could have been avoided if I had just volunteered to watch her kids at my house while she went shopping without the kids and all their paraphernalia.

Why do I tell you this? - Because as usual, there is a message to my little parable. It all ties into the quote above. (well duh - this one was kind of obvious wasn't it - LOL)

Just like my shopping trip - our lives will be much easier if we just let go of all our excess baggage. Of course life is not as simple as that, but it is not as complicated as some folks would have you believe either. While we cannot change some of the events that have led to the emotional baggage that we carry - we can change the way we chose to react to the things that are in our past. Carrying around unhealthy or unexpressed emotions can make our life's journey bog down to a screeching halt. We cannot move forward in our relationships without getting past these emotional roadblocks. I speak not from a simply therapeutic standpoint - but from a personal one as well.

I have had times in my life that I choose rather unwisely to carry a major grudge against certain individuals that I perceived as having wronged me. Did my feelings of anger and resentment do anything to 'fix' my relationship with the offending party? - NO. Did my feelings do anything to hinder my relationship with them and others? - YES. Because I was unable to express my feelings in a healthy way - I had to live with the knot in my stomach every time I thought about the precipitating event. I was the one that felt uncomfortable at gatherings with mutual acquaintances when their name was brought up. I was the one that would get so emotionally wound up that I could not sleep. I was only hurting myself. Did it matter whether the perceived injustice of the offender was legitimate or not? - NO. We have all been the 'victim' of some wrongdoing at one time or another. What matters to our personal well being is not the legitimacy of the perceived injustice but how we choose to deal with the emotional side effects of that particular event. When I chose to forgive the offender (whether to his face or silently in my heart it did not matter) I felt better about myself and my situation. Did my change in attitude mean that there was mutual reconciliation? - NO. Did it mean I was suddenly able to be friends with the person? - NO. There does not have to be mutual reconciliation or friendship. There only needs to be a change in your own heart so that you can once again move forward in your personal journey. The peace that follows the relinquishment of our emotional baggage is unparalleled.

My hope and prayer for each of you is that you will take the time to relieve yourselves of some of your baggage with regards to the relationships in your life. It can be part of the healing process with your children, spouse, or with someone else. The point is - you will be the beneficiary of that peace that we each seek in our lives and we could all could use more peace in our lives.

If you wish to read more on this topic, I have found a wonderful and inspiring website called 'The Forgiveness Project'. It can be accessed through cutting and pasting the following address into your browser: http://www.theforgivenessproject.com/ It is unaffiliated with any particular religious organization but seeks to facilitate healing of the human heart across all international, ethnic, and social backgrounds. There are stories of people from all over the world who have found a way to forgive the most unspeakable wrongdoings. There are also other stories of people who are trying to overcome and seeking the advise of others. It is worth a look.

It's a Small World Afterall

Today's Quote
The day the child realizes that all adults are imperfect he becomes an adolescent; the day he forgives them, he becomes an adult; the day he forgives himself, he becomes wise.

Aiden Nowlan

THE WORLD IS GETTING SMALLER!!!!!! I have noticed this seeming shrinkage for the past decade or so, but it seems more amplified every time I visit the places of my youth. As I was traveling the highways and back roads of Georgia a couple of years ago on vacation, I would periodically go out of my way to drive by childhood haunts. I drove by Faulk’s pond, a nice pond, but not near as big as I had remembered it being. It seemed that it used to take forever to dig the worms from the sawdust enhance dirt on the one side of the pond and walk around to the other side where the fishing was better. Now, as I looked at it, I realize that it would take only a few minutes to walk all the way around. I drove passed the home where I spent my childhood and it looked smaller than ever. As a matter of fact, I did not even immediately recognize the house because it had been painted a different color, the swing set had been torn down and the cow pasture that used to be behind it had been replaced by mobile home lots. As I drove out to my brother’s and sister’s homes in Dodge County, I realized that the distance was not near as great as I thought it was when we used to pile in the family station wagon on the way to grandma’s house. The ditches that seemed like raging rivers after the rain when I was a kid were very shallow indeed. I drove down the old dirt road to the field where grandpa’s house used to stand and realized that the world was indeed a much smaller place now that I was older.

The advent of CNN and other cable television news stations has brought the world to our living rooms. My family took numerous cross-country car trips when I was growing up, but now I fly everywhere I need to go. I count the distance between myself and my parents in hours instead of days. My husband and I were talking just the other day about how ruffled I was at the prospect of using dial-up service when I stayed at my mom’s house instead of having a wireless DSL connection. It is sad that we have gotten so spoiled that we are upset at it taking a few extra moments to send a message and digital photos to someone clear across the country or even the world. I remember how exciting it was to gather around the kitchen table when we were kids and see the photos that we had taken on our family vacation after my dad returned from the pharmacy where he had dropped them to be developed the week before. Now everyone has a digital camera with immediate confirmation of whether they go the shot or not. I even took my laptop, an invertor and digital camera on our family boat for our trip to Lake Powell so that I could download all my photos and videos and burn a copy for my friends before we parted company to return to our respective homes. We have become the ultimate ‘immediate gratification’ society.

Although I have noticed the shrinkage or our technology-based world to a greater degree recently, I have also relished the simple things as I have visited with so many relatives in my trips back to my childhood home. My mother and aunts had been reminiscing about the ‘old days’ and things they used to do. We talked about the simple pleasures of life before there were TVs in every room in the house. It was interesting to hear stories about the way they grew up picking cotton, raising chickens and cows and playing family games every evening on the farm. They literally wore ‘flour sack’ dresses to school and had a wood-burning fireplace as the only heat source in their home until my mother was a teenager. They were raised simply, with very few worldly possessions, but with a lot of love. It made me wonder what kind of stories my daughter is going to tell about her father and me when she has children. I hope that her childhood memories are filled with as much love and laughter as mine were.

If you haven’t told your children about your younger years, tell them. It may be too late to get to know their grandparents or others that have passed on, but your mother, father , and other relatives can live on through your stories. Believe it or not – your kids will actually listen. It may be because they think it is cool to hear about life in the ‘olden days’ or because they just find it comical that you and your parents grew up so different than them. Maybe they will catch on to some of the similarities between you and themselves. Maybe it will help them understand why you expect the things from them that you do sometimes. Maybe – it will just be good quality conversation time with them. Either way – it is worth the effort. May you all take time to enjoy the simpler things in our ever-shrinking world and help your kids to understand and appreciate them as well.

Goals & Obstacles

Today's Quote

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.

Hannah More

The quote above is one that is applicable to everyone in a myriad of situations. Weather you are working towards a corporate goal or a personal goal, there always seems to be something or someone that takes on the role of being your obstacle. Being aware of an obstacle is a good thing. Seeing it keeps us from tripping over it. However, when we begin to focus on the obstacle instead of the goal, the obstacle becomes more and more daunting until it seems to consume all of our energy and we loose sight of our original goal. Why do we set goals in the first place? Is it not because we have a desire to do the task at hand? Why then do we take our eyes off the prize? Sometimes ti is because we set goals that are unrealistic. Sometimes it is because we let others influence our decisions. Sometimes it is because our lives change before our goals are met. But that does not mean that we should give up on setting goals. It just means that we should modify our goals to meet our new situation.

When I was a little girl, my dad used to play a Floyd Crammer record quite often. On the record was the song ‘Heart and Soul’. I loved to hear that song played on the piano. I begged my parents for a piano. I wanted lessons. I wanted to play that song. My mom and dad bought a piano when I was six and I was enrolled in music lessons the following week. I was so excited. I had it in my mind that the teacher was going to sit me at the piano and show me the notes and I would be playing the song for my proud parents that afternoon. Later - I was so disappointed! I was told that if I practiced hard, I would learn how to read musical notes and the dynamics of piano within about a month. Then my teacher would teach me the basic right-hand version and she would play the left hand with me. I was forced to reset my goal. Instead of playing the song, I first had to learn to read music. After about a month, I reset my goal again. This time, I would learn the right hand of the song. After a short time, I reset my goal again. This time, I earned the left hand of the song. After that, I reset my goal again and I began to practice the song with both hands together. It took a while, but I finally learned to play the song. It was the basic version of the song, and later I reset my goals again as I became more musically advanced and I learned to play a more complicated version of the song. I used this same technique every time I learned a new song. I just have to learn the notes one hand at a time or one stanza at a time. After I accomplish the first part of my goal, I reset it and move on over and over again until I have finally accomplished the thing that I have set my mind to. Sometimes there are obstacles, like the high F key that sticks on my antique piano and causes me to stumble when I play certain songs, but I have the choice to focus on the stuck key or skip it and move on. If I had focused on the stuck key all the time – I would have missed the opportunity to play many beautiful songs that I have really grown to love.

The point to all this is – keep your eye on the goal. Be aware of the obstacles in your path, but only so that you don’t stumble over them. If you have to re-set your goals, it is OK. Don’t give up on them. One song that I learned as a young woman in choir was called ‘Little By Little’. One line in the song says, "If you can’t swim an ocean, them swim a stream. Just remodel your basic scheme. Don’t give up ‘til you’ve reached your dream, and little by little you’re there.” The goals you have set here may seem daunting at first, but they are important and you need to be committed to yourself. Take one step at a time and constantly reset your smaller goals until your bigger ones are reached. When you finally reach your goal, I hope that you will take the skills you have learned and apply them in other areas of your life. Oh - and by the way -

I never became a great pianist. But I have a great love and appreciation for the instrument and I still play. To this day that same old antique piano that I practiced upon when I was a kid, sits in my living room. I still play 'Heart and Soul' but now I am teaching it to my two year old.

The 6 'D's of self-destruction

Today's Quote

Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.

T.S. Eliot

How far in life do you want to go? What do you want to accomplish? How do you know when you have 'arrived?'

This is a spiritual question. One of the five cornerstones of change (see the bottom of this blog for an explanation of the cornerstones) is spirituality. As one of my former student's put it, "Spirituality is not religion." Spirituality is simply the belief that there is something more important than yourself, a higher power or law of humanity that must be obeyed in order to maintain both personal and worldly peace. While some enhance their own spiritual journey through organized religion, as I do, some find spiritual peace in other areas.

I think that most people want to do that which is good. The important thing to remember is that you will never 'arrive' at perfection or anything near unto it. Life is a journey - not a destination. For some, 'risking go too far' is a negative. For others, life is a matter of discovery, both of self and the world around them. A life of scientific discovery is a fascinating prospect, but choosing to go on a journey of true self-discovery can be quite daunting to some. After all, who wants to look in the mirror and truly face all the decisions that have brought them to this point in their lives?

There are 6 - 'D's to a life of spiritual healing. These 'D's are the difference between a life of fear and a life of spiritual peace and happiness. The 6 - 'D's are:

Doubt - don't let doubt of your ability to change get in the way of your happiness. Doubt leads to...

Discouragement - when we become discouraged in our efforts to change - we are easily led to...

Distraction - becoming distracted from our goal to truly change leads to a ...

lack of Diligence - when we are no longer diligent in our efforts to change we become...

Defiant (Defiance) - we 'rail against the machine' as it were. We seek to blame anyone and anything else for our problems. This defiant behavior leads to the final 'D' in the destruction of our spirituality...

Disbelief - If we have no belief system, there is no hope for us that anything can help us. We are utterly undone in our goals of personal, emotional and spiritual health and peace.

There are ways out of this destructive pattern, but they require a great deal of self reflection. Everyone has made mistakes. Some are minor and some are skeletons that we would rather leave in the closets of our minds. It is frightening to think that we have to look into that closet and make amends for the things that we have done in order to bring ourselves to a place of greater personal peace. You must dig deep in that closet where you hide those things you don't want to deal with and remove one item at a time. Work on fixing it - if it can be fixed. If not - look in the mirror and forgive yourself and anyone else involved. This will not be easy. In fact, it may take a long while to deal with certain issues, but when all is said and done, you will feel better. My challenge to you is to find out just how far you can go towards making yourself happier and healthier through your own search for peace and hapiness. May you enjoy life's journey.

You are Worth the Fight

Today's Quote

...for this thing we call "failure" is not the falling down, but the staying down.
Mary Pickford

When a boxer falls to his opponent's blow, he has a choice - stay down and escape to a TKO, or get back up and face the onslaught. What makes the difference between the winning and the losing of the match is partially the decision to get back up. The other part of winning the match is the decision to do something different once he's gotten back up. Many people have tried and failed with respect to some of the issues in their lives. Many have repeated this 'try and fail' process many times over to friends or therapists. Like the losing boxer - they are bruised and bloodied by life's blows. They have learned how to get back up, but have not learned to make the necessary decisions to do something different and are therefore doomed to repeat the failure process again and again until it is so internalized within them that they literally think that they are nothing but one 'big screw-up'. I used that term because it is the term one of my former students used to describe himself in an exercise I led the boys in at devotional one Sunday evening.


I gave the students a drawing of boy holding a big blank canvas. The students were to write what they saw as their positive attributes on the paper. Things that are visible to others, like appearance and sporting or musical talents were to be written on the outside of the boy in the picture. Things that are not visible, like honesty and courage were to be written inside the canvas the boy in the drawing was holding. Some of the students did very well. They were very confident about who they were and where they were going in their lives. Others did well with visible attributes but put a big question mark inside their boy's canvas representing that they did not yet have a grasp on who they really were. Some wrote negatives, because they were still so unsure of themselves. Some colored their picture to personalize it. Some left it black and white. As a follow up to the activity, I sent a copy of the same blank page to each of my student's parents. The parents were to do the same exercise for their students. They were to write on the picture the attributes that they saw in their children. The students received a copy of their parent's vision of them at a later meeting. It was so enlightening to see how different some of the visions of the parents and the students were and how alike others were.


The purpose of this activity was to show the students that they were more than what they currently thought thought of themselves. It was to show them that the fight is worth it. They didn't have to give up to life's TKO. They were someone important! I was quite moved by some of the student's reactions to this seemingly small activity. They took it very seriously. Many of the students gave me hugs when all was said and done. The papers the students did were the people they believe themselves to be at the time. The papers the parents did was a 'paper dream' for some of them - but dreams have a way of coming true when they are worked on within the confines of a loving family.


Above is a copy of the same picture for you to work with if you are so inclined. You should be able to right click it and then 'save picture as' on your computer and print it out form there. I hope that you will take this as seriously as my students did. Please remember - it is not the decision to get back up that separates the winners from the losers in life. It is the decision to do something different, to make better choices, to forgive, to ask for help, and to make a renewed effort towards your goals. Do not stay down. Get up and win the fight!

Integrety

Today's Quote

It's better to be hated for who you are than loved for who you're not.
from the song 'Help Sombody' by Van Zant (country music artist)

Abraham Lincoln once said - "I desire to to conduct the affairs of this administration that if at the end, when I come to lay down the reins of power, I have lost every other friend on earth, I shall at least have one friend left, and that friend shall be down inside me." Does it really matter what others think of us - as long as we know what we are doing is legal, moral, and ethical. It is sad to say - but some people are still so 'high school' in their thinking, they feel that the need to impress someone else is worth the loss of their own personal integrity.

What is integrity? How do parents teach this concept to their children? Integrity is a principle that encompasses many other principles. The Latin root of this word is 'integer' which means 'whole or complete'. There is no way to force someone into avenues of personal integrity, but by setting the example ourselves, we can improve our children's odds of completing that trait in themselves. We can teach principles of honesty, morality, individual worth and responsibility to our children. Living up to these principles will set them on the path to personal integrity. Integrity is not about impressing people. It is about doing what is right regardless of the personal cost. The meaning of personal integrity has not changed over the years to fit with more modern times. It is the same today as when William Shakespeare wrote over 500 years ago 'to thine own self be true'. Living with integrity means:

· Speaking your truth, even though it might create conflict or tension.
· Behaving in ways that are in harmony with your personal values.
· Making choices based on what you believe, and not what others believe.
· Heeding that still small voice that tells us something is right or wrong.
· Not being a bystander when we know we need to participate.
· Saying 'no' from a point of conviction rather than 'yes' just to please.


Remember: It is not worth an intelligent man's time to be in the majority. The intelligent man is he who sets his goals in line with that which he believes to be right and is true to that aim even if others label him unpopular. For in the end, we will never be able to find comfort in another's justifications if we have been untrue to our own hearts.

These points are difficult to teach unless we possess them ourselves and a child has an established set of principles that he has been taught from his family and by their personal examples. It is my hope that you all have set that example already, whether you have children or not. If you have children, discussed with them your hopes for them to follow your example. No matter how old your children are, your opinion counts with them. Set the example and have the discussion sooner rather than later. You will be glad you did.

Happiness

Today's Quote

Happiness is not a state to arrive at, but a manner of traveling.

-Margaret Lee Runbeck -

It has been said that the foolish man seeks happiness in the distance while the wise man grows it under his feet. No matter where we go in our life’s journey, we can be happy. In our pursuit of happiness, our situation matters not. The only thing that matters is our attitude. I have heard people say silly things like – ‘I’d be so happy if only I could have that car.’ Or ‘If I got that raise, it would make all the difference in my attitude.’ What they're really saying is – I have chosen to base my attitude on an outside stimulus rather than accept responsibility for my own happiness.’

Of course I realize that many of you have probably heard this already elsewhere in you life’s journey, but it bears repeating. Learning to be happy in whatever your situation may be is not an easy task. Many of the problems people suffer from are linked to a sense that personal well-being is connected to an external stimulus. Some people even seem to think that they have no control over how they should react to a situation. This is one of the first hurdles that anyone must overcome in order to start the process of emotional healing. A man can be happy with whatever life has laid before him – if he chooses to be.

When I was little, I had a poster on my bedroom wall that read, “Happiness is wanting what you have, not having what you want.” I decided at a young age to internalize that thought. I came from a lower middle class home. We had plenty of what we needed, but not a lot of extras. My parents lived frugally and within their means. They did not even have credit cards. They saved and paid cash for everything, including their cars. On the other hand, I had friends that seemed very well to do. They had all the latest toys, the most fashionable clothes and their own rooms. I had to share a room and a double bed with my sister until I was 19 and moved out on my own. I thought that my friends had everything that they could possibly need to be happy, but as I got older, I realized that some of my seemingly wealthy friends were not happy at all. It seemed the more they had, the more they wanted. They were constantly whining. I was only ten years old when this observation hit me and it shaped my personality from that point on. I decided that these friends were not the type of people that I wanted to be. I did not know why they were the way they were. To my ten-year old mind, they were just ‘spoiled brats’ as my mother called them. Now that I am older, I know a lot of adult spoiled brats, only now I know that being ‘spoiled’ is not really the problem. The problem is that they have not been taught the proper way to make their own happiness. They have relied on external stimulus so long that they have become very dysfunctional adults. I find this so sad. There is so much in life to be thankful for. It seems to me that the people with the most to be thankful for are usually the ones that whine the most about their situation. So with that in mind, here is the number one thing that I have endeavored to teach my own children to help them learn to be happy – GRATITUDE in all things.

It is impossible to be unhappy when you are expressing genuine gratitude. How can you be anything but happy when you are expressing thankfulness for the blessings you have been given in llife. Please notice that I did not say when you are grateful for the things you have been given. I used the word 'blessings' because it is not things that make us happy. The scent of honeysuckle in bloom, the warmth of the sunshine on a crisp fall afternoon, the light rain shower on a hot summer day are but a few of the blessings that help make me happy and I own none of these as tangible things. Happiness is contagious. Your attitude will help determine the course of your life’s journey, but it will also influence the course of others that cross your path. If you are thankful for, and want what you have, and if you concentrate on the blessings of life instead of the things you do not yet have, you will be the kind of person that others want to be around. You will find that you have more and more to be thankful for and your attitude will be better and better as you infect others. Gratitude and happiness work hand in hand that way. It is a wonderful cycle. May you all take a moment after reading this to think of the blessings in your life for which you are grateful. Pause to count your blessings with a loved one tonight – or make it part of your family dinner ritual. I know you will find happiness in your life’s journey as you do this simple exercise.

Bridges....

Today's quote

Praise the bridge that carried you over.
George Colman


Why a bridge? Let me try to explain..... it is difficult to explain in straight talk. I tend to speak metaphoricly when it comes to matters of the heart. But I feel like a 'bridge' is the best way to get across some of those hurts we all face at one time or another. We cannot always totally reverse a wrong that has been done to us or that we have done to others, but we can usually bridge it. In the song 'Fortress Around Your Heart', the artist Sting sings:

And if I built this fortress around your heart
Encircled you in trenches and barbed wire
Then let me build a bridge
For I cannot fill the chasm
And let me set the battlements on fire

We all have had moments where we have felt overwhelmed in our sorrows over what we perceive to be a 'chasm' in our own hearts. These events may be truely devastating to us although someone else may view our reaction as self pity. We need to learn how to bridge the gaps even if we cannot 'fill the chasms'. Sometimes the bridges can be simple footpaths over a babbling brook and sometimes we need to span the mighty Mississippi. My hope is that the things I write here may help you to build your own bridges. No one else can build them for you.