If you wish to travel far and fast, travel light. Take off all your envies, jealousies,
unforgiveness, selfishness and fear.
Glenn Clark
Have you been to the mall with a friend that has a small children? I made just such a fateful trip a few Christmases ago before the birth of my latest child. I was used to doing everything unhindered because I had only one child and she was a teenager at the time. I am not a big shopper anyway. I usually start my Christmas shopping in August and hit all the sales racks I can before the holiday season so that I am 90% done by Thanksgiving. That year I thought it would be fun to go with my friend and help her with her two small children as we shopped for her family Christmas gifts. Boy was I wrong about the fun part!! After we unfurled the double sized stroller, packed in the juice bottles and Cheerios, made our way to the back of every store to find the elevators, (Why do they put those things in the most unlikely spots when the escalators are right in the middle of the stores?) and stopped several times to change the inevitable dirty diapers, we ended up taking twice as long as we thought to get half the stuff on her list. The last time my feet and back hurt that bad was when my husband and I spent a 16 hour day digging sprinkler trenches in our yard. The trip just wasn't worth the hassle with all the excess baggage. It all could have been avoided if I had just volunteered to watch her kids at my house while she went shopping without the kids and all their paraphernalia.
Why do I tell you this? - Because as usual, there is a message to my little parable. It all ties into the quote above. (well duh - this one was kind of obvious wasn't it - LOL)
Just like my shopping trip - our lives will be much easier if we just let go of all our excess baggage. Of course life is not as simple as that, but it is not as complicated as some folks would have you believe either. While we cannot change some of the events that have led to the emotional baggage that we carry - we can change the way we chose to react to the things that are in our past. Carrying around unhealthy or unexpressed emotions can make our life's journey bog down to a screeching halt. We cannot move forward in our relationships without getting past these emotional roadblocks. I speak not from a simply therapeutic standpoint - but from a personal one as well.
I have had times in my life that I choose rather unwisely to carry a major grudge against certain individuals that I perceived as having wronged me. Did my feelings of anger and resentment do anything to 'fix' my relationship with the offending party? - NO. Did my feelings do anything to hinder my relationship with them and others? - YES. Because I was unable to express my feelings in a healthy way - I had to live with the knot in my stomach every time I thought about the precipitating event. I was the one that felt uncomfortable at gatherings with mutual acquaintances when their name was brought up. I was the one that would get so emotionally wound up that I could not sleep. I was only hurting myself. Did it matter whether the perceived injustice of the offender was legitimate or not? - NO. We have all been the 'victim' of some wrongdoing at one time or another. What matters to our personal well being is not the legitimacy of the perceived injustice but how we choose to deal with the emotional side effects of that particular event. When I chose to forgive the offender (whether to his face or silently in my heart it did not matter) I felt better about myself and my situation. Did my change in attitude mean that there was mutual reconciliation? - NO. Did it mean I was suddenly able to be friends with the person? - NO. There does not have to be mutual reconciliation or friendship. There only needs to be a change in your own heart so that you can once again move forward in your personal journey. The peace that follows the relinquishment of our emotional baggage is unparalleled.
My hope and prayer for each of you is that you will take the time to relieve yourselves of some of your baggage with regards to the relationships in your life. It can be part of the healing process with your children, spouse, or with someone else. The point is - you will be the beneficiary of that peace that we each seek in our lives and we could all could use more peace in our lives.
If you wish to read more on this topic, I have found a wonderful and inspiring website called 'The Forgiveness Project'. It can be accessed through cutting and pasting the following address into your browser: http://www.theforgivenessproject.com/ It is unaffiliated with any particular religious organization but seeks to facilitate healing of the human heart across all international, ethnic, and social backgrounds. There are stories of people from all over the world who have found a way to forgive the most unspeakable wrongdoings. There are also other stories of people who are trying to overcome and seeking the advise of others. It is worth a look.
Have you been to the mall with a friend that has a small children? I made just such a fateful trip a few Christmases ago before the birth of my latest child. I was used to doing everything unhindered because I had only one child and she was a teenager at the time. I am not a big shopper anyway. I usually start my Christmas shopping in August and hit all the sales racks I can before the holiday season so that I am 90% done by Thanksgiving. That year I thought it would be fun to go with my friend and help her with her two small children as we shopped for her family Christmas gifts. Boy was I wrong about the fun part!! After we unfurled the double sized stroller, packed in the juice bottles and Cheerios, made our way to the back of every store to find the elevators, (Why do they put those things in the most unlikely spots when the escalators are right in the middle of the stores?) and stopped several times to change the inevitable dirty diapers, we ended up taking twice as long as we thought to get half the stuff on her list. The last time my feet and back hurt that bad was when my husband and I spent a 16 hour day digging sprinkler trenches in our yard. The trip just wasn't worth the hassle with all the excess baggage. It all could have been avoided if I had just volunteered to watch her kids at my house while she went shopping without the kids and all their paraphernalia.
Why do I tell you this? - Because as usual, there is a message to my little parable. It all ties into the quote above. (well duh - this one was kind of obvious wasn't it - LOL)
Just like my shopping trip - our lives will be much easier if we just let go of all our excess baggage. Of course life is not as simple as that, but it is not as complicated as some folks would have you believe either. While we cannot change some of the events that have led to the emotional baggage that we carry - we can change the way we chose to react to the things that are in our past. Carrying around unhealthy or unexpressed emotions can make our life's journey bog down to a screeching halt. We cannot move forward in our relationships without getting past these emotional roadblocks. I speak not from a simply therapeutic standpoint - but from a personal one as well.
I have had times in my life that I choose rather unwisely to carry a major grudge against certain individuals that I perceived as having wronged me. Did my feelings of anger and resentment do anything to 'fix' my relationship with the offending party? - NO. Did my feelings do anything to hinder my relationship with them and others? - YES. Because I was unable to express my feelings in a healthy way - I had to live with the knot in my stomach every time I thought about the precipitating event. I was the one that felt uncomfortable at gatherings with mutual acquaintances when their name was brought up. I was the one that would get so emotionally wound up that I could not sleep. I was only hurting myself. Did it matter whether the perceived injustice of the offender was legitimate or not? - NO. We have all been the 'victim' of some wrongdoing at one time or another. What matters to our personal well being is not the legitimacy of the perceived injustice but how we choose to deal with the emotional side effects of that particular event. When I chose to forgive the offender (whether to his face or silently in my heart it did not matter) I felt better about myself and my situation. Did my change in attitude mean that there was mutual reconciliation? - NO. Did it mean I was suddenly able to be friends with the person? - NO. There does not have to be mutual reconciliation or friendship. There only needs to be a change in your own heart so that you can once again move forward in your personal journey. The peace that follows the relinquishment of our emotional baggage is unparalleled.
My hope and prayer for each of you is that you will take the time to relieve yourselves of some of your baggage with regards to the relationships in your life. It can be part of the healing process with your children, spouse, or with someone else. The point is - you will be the beneficiary of that peace that we each seek in our lives and we could all could use more peace in our lives.
If you wish to read more on this topic, I have found a wonderful and inspiring website called 'The Forgiveness Project'. It can be accessed through cutting and pasting the following address into your browser: http://www.theforgivenessproject.com/ It is unaffiliated with any particular religious organization but seeks to facilitate healing of the human heart across all international, ethnic, and social backgrounds. There are stories of people from all over the world who have found a way to forgive the most unspeakable wrongdoings. There are also other stories of people who are trying to overcome and seeking the advise of others. It is worth a look.
No comments:
Post a Comment