Why then do we do what we do - when we know what we know?
Author unknown
I first encountered this quote during a church meeting. I thought a lot about how it related to the things I personally value and why sometimes people go against their own values. As I thought more on the quote, I realized how much it pertained to the situations that a lot of my former students were in. Although I have no clinical background, my job afforded me the benefit of being able to sit in on many group therapy sessions. I say 'benefit' because it really was beneficial to me to get to know the students much better and they knew they could truly trust me in those confidential meetings. I did not speak during those meetings, and I did not sit in on too many sessions because I did not want to be a disruption. However, during the ones I did sit in on, I was often struck at how insightful these young people could be. They would admit in therapy sessions that they held certain values and they were ashamed of certain things that they had done that were contrary to those values. However, many expressed concern that- when they are outside of a structured environment -they may not have the moral courage to do what was right. Some were afraid that peer pressure may be too much. Others are worried that they may not possess the self-control to abstain from their former vices. Others were unsure about certain activities, and whether they view those activities as right or wrong. I have heard often that most children form their basic core values as early as age four. I am unsure as to the scientific validity of this statement, but I personally believe that even very young children know what is basically right and wrong. There are some political and theological points that are grounds for disagreement, but the majority of people in our country hold the same basic values regarding life, freedom, and pursuits of personal happiness. They sometime choose to ignore what they know to be true in order to obtain acceptance in a social clique, or to test the boundaries set in their home environment or to obtain temporary physical or emotional gratification.
Author unknown
I first encountered this quote during a church meeting. I thought a lot about how it related to the things I personally value and why sometimes people go against their own values. As I thought more on the quote, I realized how much it pertained to the situations that a lot of my former students were in. Although I have no clinical background, my job afforded me the benefit of being able to sit in on many group therapy sessions. I say 'benefit' because it really was beneficial to me to get to know the students much better and they knew they could truly trust me in those confidential meetings. I did not speak during those meetings, and I did not sit in on too many sessions because I did not want to be a disruption. However, during the ones I did sit in on, I was often struck at how insightful these young people could be. They would admit in therapy sessions that they held certain values and they were ashamed of certain things that they had done that were contrary to those values. However, many expressed concern that- when they are outside of a structured environment -they may not have the moral courage to do what was right. Some were afraid that peer pressure may be too much. Others are worried that they may not possess the self-control to abstain from their former vices. Others were unsure about certain activities, and whether they view those activities as right or wrong. I have heard often that most children form their basic core values as early as age four. I am unsure as to the scientific validity of this statement, but I personally believe that even very young children know what is basically right and wrong. There are some political and theological points that are grounds for disagreement, but the majority of people in our country hold the same basic values regarding life, freedom, and pursuits of personal happiness. They sometime choose to ignore what they know to be true in order to obtain acceptance in a social clique, or to test the boundaries set in their home environment or to obtain temporary physical or emotional gratification.
The operative word in the previous sentence is of course 'choose'. Life is full of choices. The ultimate value of our own moral character is determined by the choices we make on a daily basis. Choosing to go against what we know to be a moral truth is weak-minded thinking. We must be willing to sacrifice the temporary popularity or momentary physical gratifications in order to obtain a more meaningful tomorrow. Doing what we hold to be right is not always popular - but you have to ask yourself what your self-respect is worth to you. The only person you have to live with is you. If you can't look yourself in the mirror and like yourself, then some thing's got to change.
Telling our children what is right is not enough. Sometimes, being the good example is not even enough. Teaching principles through personalized goals and activities designed to help our children internalize the principle is the only true way to help them develop those traits that will lead them to a happier, healthier adulthood. For my final thought, I wish to paraphrase the great spiritual leader - Buddha. He said - people should not believe in a principle just because it is a generally held belief, a wise person said it to be so, or because it is said to be of Divine origin. People should only believe in that which they have tested and have judged to be true for themselves. Sometimes we test ourselves. We do things that we know in our heart are contrary to God or to our own personal beliefs in order to reach some perceived personal gratification. We will often find this gratification to be fleeting and hollow. For many it is required to taste of the bitter in order to appreciate the sweet. For some - belief in certain morals and principles is easier than others. I encourage you to loose yourself in the service of others; to do a good deed everyday, to help a neighbor or a stranger. Even starting small with one kind smile to a stranger per day will help you to understand the Divine nature of mankind and will help you to break the shackles of doubt and self pity that often lead to those poor decisions.
Telling our children what is right is not enough. Sometimes, being the good example is not even enough. Teaching principles through personalized goals and activities designed to help our children internalize the principle is the only true way to help them develop those traits that will lead them to a happier, healthier adulthood. For my final thought, I wish to paraphrase the great spiritual leader - Buddha. He said - people should not believe in a principle just because it is a generally held belief, a wise person said it to be so, or because it is said to be of Divine origin. People should only believe in that which they have tested and have judged to be true for themselves. Sometimes we test ourselves. We do things that we know in our heart are contrary to God or to our own personal beliefs in order to reach some perceived personal gratification. We will often find this gratification to be fleeting and hollow. For many it is required to taste of the bitter in order to appreciate the sweet. For some - belief in certain morals and principles is easier than others. I encourage you to loose yourself in the service of others; to do a good deed everyday, to help a neighbor or a stranger. Even starting small with one kind smile to a stranger per day will help you to understand the Divine nature of mankind and will help you to break the shackles of doubt and self pity that often lead to those poor decisions.
It is my humble assertion that as you progress through life and practice daily the principles which you know to be true, your attitudes about your issues will change for the better and you will grow, not because of what someone else said was true, but rather because you have judged that truth for yourself on your own course of self discovery. That you will be better tomorrow because of what you have practiced today and that you will be better armed to refrain from whatever vice or demon that is troubling you. As Polonius said to Laetes in Shakespeare's classic Hamlet, "This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man."
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